Dream

Last night I experienced a very interesting and profound dream. 

The setting was a dry and arid landscape.  The sun was beating down from the sky and the sand beneath me stretched out for miles in every direction.  Every detail was painted from pallette of yellows and browns except for the sky which was highlighted in a briliant blue.  I stood in the midst of what appeared to be an ancient abandoned town.

As I walked, it seemed as though I was approaching one paticular building that had caught my attention.  The building itself was not extrodinary but somehow I knew that it was a temple of some kind.  A simple stone arched entrance marked two joining sides of the building.  Inside the layout was reminiscent of an old coliseum, if somewhat smaller.  As I entered the building my attention was focused on a stone platform fixed prominently in the center.  The stage stood half a foot tall and was  considerably narrow in length.  Unlike the building the stage was adorned with red fabric and intricate but unmemorable gold designs.  Beyond and surrounding the stage were several stone blocks laid out in teirs similar to bleachers.

I found myself in the center of the stage engrossed in thoughts of self confidently declaring this temple my own when I first became aware of another presence.  Although I knew I had entered alone, without sight or sound, I knew that this was no longer so.  Without turning to meet his gaze or even acknowledging his presence I knew him to be a god.  It was at this moment that he “communicated”.  My words fall short of appropriately articulating the experience.  He spoke without speaking and it was if every word was said at the same time.  Light and sound converged, and although I understood him at the time I can recall no substance to the conversation.

Deep inside I knew fear, but I decided to appear indifferent.  Dismissively I waved my hand and said aloud, “Be gone, you have no followers anymore.  This temple is mine.”, still not meeting his gaze.  After many moments I finally turned to face him, standing unwaivering among the upper row of stones..  His appearance was tall and slender, clad in deceptively thin armor made of gold.  Bits of crimson cloth seemed to adorn his armor and at times seemed to almost form a cloak.  His helmet appeared narrow and elongated and although it did not obscure his features I can recall in detail his face.  His visage appeared as many faces sitting on top of each other.  In many ways it felt like a very dark face shaped like that of a dog or a jackal.  The image was something that I could feel  than see.

 After a moment he began to approach me.  His movements were slow and deliberant and as he approached it seemed less as though he were moving and more as though the distance between us was simply closing.  He stopped at the opposite end of the stage and once again he spoke words without sound that I can not recall.  I stood steadfast refusing to yield my bluff.

Purposefully he drew from each hip a very eloquent curved short sword. The blades appeared gold in color with a red jewel embedded where the hilt met the blade.  They were as beautiful as they were deadly.  Although I had brought with me no weapons, I suddenly found my right hand grasping a similar blade at my side.  I had sudden understanding that this was a duel.  One that I, in my arrogance had caused and was obviously outmatched.  At my realization he began his approach in a calm and deliberate manner.  With each step he swung the blades in sync a full circle each time resting the tip toward me.

My mind raced and my initial reaction was to stand firm and unafraid.  For some reason I felt almost enlightened, as though I could see all possible outcomes at once.  I knew that I would not win and at best I could see myself losing at least one of my arms.  The blow would strike cleanly at the shoulder, severing it.  I felt each outcome as though I had lived it individually instead of mearly observing it.  My sword was at the ready in front of me, but cowardace caused me to retreat slowly backwards  My mind was racing, searching for some advantage, but there was none to be had.  His advanced continued until he had pressed me through the stone archway and out of the temple.

As my last footstep carried me backwards outside the temple his advanced ceased and his stance relaxed.  I was bitter in my cowardace and the taste of defeat.  In my arrogance I cried out, “What fairness is this when you have two swords and I have but one?”.  My words were meant for my own comfort and perhaps to ease the sting of defeat, but as the last word passed my lips he tossed me one of his swords which I caught with my left hand.  My bluff was called yet again.  Desperate I began searching for a new excuse.  As I looked up to protest that I would not fight an opponent at a disadvantage, he had already gestured and was once again holding two swords.  He had anticipated my excuse, we were now both evenly matched.

Again I found myself at one end of the stone platform in the center of the temple.  He began his approach in the same manner as before calmly and methodically advancing with an aire of confidence.  I stood there at the ready, my mind racing in desperation to formulate some defense or talk my way out of this.  It took only moments for the prescient feelings of defeat to return.  The overwhelming understanding of my defeat caused what little remained of my courage to once again falter and I found myself slowly stepping back.  I can not recall any fighting but I do remember the distinctive ring of steel as though I defensively parried one or two of the strikes.  Regardless of what little resistance I may have put forth I found myself once again stepping backward through the arched entrance.

Having once again halted his advance, I stood staring at him in the temple entrance for several moments searching for something to say.  All of my thoughts were interrupted by an abrupt and unexpected attack.  A single strike by a previously unseen weapon commanded my full attention.  I had only enough time to raise my blades in front of me in defense, and for a moment I was pleased by my prowess.  The force of the blow halted, his weapon sat heavily and purposefully on my blade.  It resembled a long staff with an upward curved blade at the end.  My eyes followed from the tip of the blade and down the staff to its bearer.

It was in this moment as I stood silently staring at him that I fully understood the true intent behind the attack.  He wanted my full and undivided attention.  My thoughts of anything had ceased at that moment.  It was after this feeling had fully enveloped me that he spoke plainly the only words I am able to recall.  He said, “That is why you will never lead.”  He paused a moment before continueing.  “Even with the respect and power you seek, you lack the courage to lead men of will”.  Each word brought an understanding as though a thousand conversations had transpired in the span of two sentences.

His message spoken, he remained motionless for a moment, and though our eyes were locked I could still make out no distinguishing facial features. Then abruptly he withdrew his attack and returned to the temple. I remember very distinctly saying, "What I said about you having no followers before, well you do now." If my words mattered or were even heard it did not show. As he left I was overcome with a sense sorrow or perhaps shame. I had been shown something about myself that I already knew but I couldn't admit.  I was a coward.  My fear had overwhelmed me, and though I may sometimes deflect or defend with a biting tongue I would find no refuge against men of will.  I will always be a slave to those who see me for what I am.