Resolutions for 2011

Looking over my 2010 resolutions I have a sense of accomplishment.  In some ways 2011 is more significant than previous years.  It represents for me not only the beginning of a new year but also the start of a new phase of my life.  This will be my first year as a father and later as a catholic.  Earlier last year I also made a transition that was significant at least to me, I turned 30.  So 2011 represents the beginning of many things in my life.

Games
While I still intend to play video games I think perhaps the time has come to redefine the role they play in my life.  I want to try shy away from or minimize my time playing maintenance "Skinner Box" games such as Farmville.  It isn't that I do not enjoy them as much as the enjoyment they provide is not equal to amount of time and investment they require.  I had originally planned to stop once I reached some arbitrary point in each game, but realized that these points were the same silly carrots that perpetuate my continuous playing.

Books
I have not read a book in what seems like forever.  I need to read more this year and try to expand my own horizons.

Food
I am a sugar junkie.  This year I am going to try to bring this under control.  Chocolates and cookies have been my guilty pleasure for so long.  I don't want to go overboard and eliminate sugar as much as I want to bring my cravings under control.  Another goal under this topic is to reduce the amount of fast food I eat.

Potty mouth
This year I am going to work harder at controlling my potty mouth.  Yes that includes my often colorful made up lyrics and songs.

Perspective
I want to try to keep a positive perspective on things.  In general I have been doing pretty good with this but sometimes it is hard for me to see the forest through the trees.

Calmness
I tend to be a rather hyper and excitable person.  While I think this has its benefits I would like to exude more of a sense of calm and peacefulness.  Sometimes I have a tendency to say so much that nothing is really heard.  I think that I may be able to say more by speaking less and really choosing my words carefully.

Assertiveness
I am going to work on being less passive about the things that are important to me.

For 2011 I would like to work on being a better husband, a good father, and a more understanding person.

It's hard sometimes to just stay positive.  I feel like nothing ever really lasts.  Time erodes all things, people die, mountains crumble etc.  Sometimes everything just seems so pointless.  Fast forward 100 years, will anything I've ever done really matter?  Probably not.  Fast forward another 500 years or even a thousand and suddenly my entire life is so insignificant that its not even relate-able.  A precious few that have made some significant contribution to mankind may find a few words about their lives in a text book but the majority will be overlooked.

Looking backward we know some of the key players in the construction of the pyramids but the vast majority of the workers were unremarkable and so they go unremembered.  They all lived, worked, married, had children etc and then they died and were mourned for a generation before passing out of all memory.  Time is a framing mechanism that gives our lives context and meaning.  The longer the time span the more insignificant we become.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that since I feel insignificant I should just give up and not do anything.  I will admit the thought is depressing but that doesn't necessarily mean I am depressed about it.  I understand it and I want to say that I accept it but I think some part of me is still fighting.

I've been feeling "meh" lately but I'm not sure why.  I spent all of Sunday sort of just laying in the bean bag chair watching American Dad.  Off topic but there is a commercial on TV for a workout video called Flirty Girl Fit (FlirtyGirlfit.com).  It's hilarious and sad all at the same time.  Maybe if they re-marketed it as an instructional video for strippers...  As a bonus you can learn the "Chair Dance" and the "Pole Dance".  I think that may have cheered me right up.

Play Dom-jot human?

I have been thinking a lot lately about a particular episode of Star Trek (TNG) called "Tapestry".  In it Jean-Luc Picard dies and meets an omnipotent acquaintance who questions the captain about any regrets he might have in his life.  One incident from his youth readily comes to mind as it relates to his death now.  He is then given the chance change the past by not taking that same risk.  After correcting his mistake however he returns to life to find he is a different man, "bereft of passion and imagination" created from a lifetime of playing it safe.

In a plea to set things back he says, "I would rather die as the man I was than live the life I just saw."  After restoring his past he is returned to life with a new understanding about himself and later makes a profound statement:

"There are many parts of my youth that I'm not proud of. There were... loose threads - untidy parts of me that I would like to remove. But when I pulled on one of those threads - it'd unravel the tapestry of my life." 

I have always held to the belief that we should embrace are mistakes because they often play a vital role in shaping who are and who we will become.  However my mind keeps returning to the earlier revelation that always playing it safe may get you through life unscathed but it also leaves you with no great passion.  It may seem cliche but to quote William Wallace:  "Every man dies, but not every man truly lives."  

Sometimes I wonder if this applies to me?  My reluctance to sometimes make decisions is based on the fear of being wrong or more simply put the fear of the risk.  There is a flip side to this metaphorical coin however in that I believe sometimes those who risk the most have the least to lose.  I am very happy with my life as it is and though many risks may offer me much gain it often seems paltry in comparison to what I have and could therefor lose.   "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? - Mark 8:36, Matthew 16:26, & Luke 9:25"  I suppose the answer lies in finding middle ground between the extremes which has never really been my strong point.

Did I just quote Star Trek, Braveheart, and the Bible together....