Busy the last few days

It's been a while since I last posted. It seems the number of published posts are inversely proportional the amount of events and / or stress taking place at the time. More to come soon.

Jonathan Coulton

Singer / songwriter, maybe you've heard of him? I stumbled across a few of his songs sometime ago on YouTube. I found a few World of Warcraft Videos set to some of his songs. One video lead to another and another and I soon had a little collection of favorites. You might recognize some of his songs like Code Monkey. From what I have read he used to be a software developer, at least if you consider Visual Basic a language (just kidding). From his music and what I have read I can relate to several aspects of his personality. I can frequently be heard singing silly songs or changing lyrics to various music. I've purchased a few of his songs on ITunes in the past but recently I was looking for one in particular that they did not have. A little searching lead me to his website JonathanCoulton.com. I like the site quite a bit. It's got all the information you would want and its concise and to the point while maintaining a casual tone. Additionally he has made all of his music available in several ways. Free ways to listen and multiple ways to purchase, and you can buy individual songs for as little as $1.00. The song I was hunting for is called I feel fantastic. Here's a YouTube video set to it that I like. I like the lyrics to the song in particular, perhaps because I can relate. The tempo of the song feels similar to the tempo of my own life, and this video in general just kind of completed the whole "feel" for me. That and much to the dismay of friends and family I really like to sing along :)

Zoom zoom....

Take your average busy work day and record it, then come home and watch it in fast forward. That is how I feel most days. That is not to say that I necessarily feel overly busy every day, I just literally feel as though everything is just happening extremely fast. Footsteps seem closer to that fast paced awkward stumble you see while fast forwarding through commercials. Conversations feel hurried with all the appropriate excited hand movements. I feel very energetic most days but not in a giddy, jumping around, "can't sit still" way. Its more of "charged" feeling. My thoughts are quickened and I am hyper-aware. I am plagued by the constant sensation I should be doing "something" with this energy and the longer I don't the strong the feeling becomes. Its interesting to me that I feel as though I already know what that "something" is and I've just forgotten, because it eliminates any outside dependency. The idea that I already know prevents me from hiding behind the excuse, "awaiting direction". As I have mentioned in other posts my sleep as of late as been erratic. Even when I am physically tired it seems that until I mentally run out of energy I am unable to retire.

Temporary Retractions

You might have noticed recently that a couple of posts have suddenly disappeared. The posts had to do with issues surrounding some problems we have been having with our Heat Pump as well as opinions about our vendor experiences. I have temporarily retracted the posts as it has recently come to my attention that there are some unresolved details about the situation that when resolved might affect opinions reflected in those posts. Until the situation is resolved to completion (which should be relatively soon) I will suspend any partial opinions. I will however keep you posted about any details as the situation plays out.

Why am I still up?

Good question. Its 4:30am and I have work in only a few hours but here I am awake. I tried very hard to get some sleep about 6 hours ago. I laid down with my wife and closed my eyes and desperately tried to simply be asleep. It seemed like every so often my eyes would accidentally open just long enough to mark the passing of time by the clock that projects on the ceiling. Finally sometime around 1:00am I had an idea. In my youth when I could not sleep I would put in a movie I was very familiar with. Something slow paced with mellow musical tracks every so often. Disney would use suffice but I also enjoyed Tim Burtons "A Nightmare Before X-mas". It just so happens that I have that very movie on blu-ray as well as a digital copy. So I grabbed up my IPod and my headphones only to discover that for some reason the movie had been erased. I knew I could I get a copy again from my laptop in the living room but then I would have to disarm the alarm and wake up my wife. After some thought I had the idea to watch something on YouTube. Fast forward an hour or so and I had managed to do was pass the time and discover that my headphones are apparently broken. If I can remember by the morning I will have to ask my wife if they worked when she used them last. I am somewhat bummed that they are broken as they were really very nice. After exhausting all my other ideas I laid back down and tried to once again close my eyes and force myself to sleep. This time I just couldn't lay still. It seemed as though every few moments something different would itch, or my nose would whistle. To make matters worse something decided I was hungry. After a few more moments I got out of bed and loved on the cat for a while, a crime I am sure I will pay for with shredded shoelaces in the near future. Finally I decided to just get up for a little bit. Perhaps some food and reading would make me tired again and I could catch a few hours sleep. I disarmed and reset the alarm. My wife was so deep asleep she either didn't notice or she did notice and chose not to acknowledge the noise I made. I got a bite to eat and sat down to read a little and write this blog. It would figure that now that its almost 5:00am I suddenly finally feel a little more run down and possibly ready to sleep. My sleeping habits have always been somewhat abnormal. There are windows of time in which if I lay down I will be able to sleep but if I miss that window then I may as well not bother at all. A feeling washes over me and instinctively I know I only have so much time to lay down and start sleeping. You would think sporadic sleeping would cause me to nod off throughout the day. Whenever my friend Mike doesn't get enough sleep it is all he can do just keep his eyes open the next day. For me however once the day begins there is very little chance of my nodding off despite my fatigue. Until the feeling washes over me I am wide awake whether I want to be or not.

So cold

I've always had a problem keeping warm. Even as a kid I would sleep on next to or around a heater. I was notorious for turning on a space heater or one of those oil heaters and putting my blanket over it to create a "hot pocket". Although I have always had a problem with it I have noticed more often that I am having a hard time keeping my hands and feet in particular very warm. Most of the time my toes are just freezing cold as are my hands. Warming them up in water or in front of a heater only seems to last as long as they remain in the source of heat. I have often been told that it is a matter of poor circulation and for a while I was taking cayenne pepper capsules as they were supposed to be of some help. I have been trying to think back and remember if the problem was as persistent during the period where I was exercising quite a bit as it is now. Regardless I am going to try to motivate myself to getting back to working out. I really did like the way I felt. I am not real sure why my interest level decreased so rapidly. I think perhaps if the exercise doesn't help it may be time to see a doctor. I qualified as super duper healthy on my exam and blood work for insurance so I am pretty sure I don't have a significant cholesterol issue. I am not a smoker, which I have been told can sometimes affect blood flow. I suppose I have shied away from discussing the issue with my doctor out of fear of what the problem might be.

Rain on your parade

I haven't blogged in a few days. I think the main reason is that I have been overwhelmed lately. My last official day at my previous job was Friday and I am afraid it didn't turn out so well. Add to that lack of sleep and a possible broken furnace, and then start a new job. It's just been draining. I am really trying to keep a positive attitude overall throughout everything but I have to admit that it has been hard. I had really hoped to have a little time to catch my breath over the weekend between jobs and steel my resolve in regard to my resolutions. No such luck. In a way I had to chuckle right as things started to unravel. I was in the middle of one bad set of circumstances but in a way it only serve to prepare me for more. Figuratively speaking I just hunkered down and waited out the rainstorm. It seems for the most part the storm is subsiding but I think there may be a few more wild spots before its through.