The past few days have proved both stressful and insightful. I've learned a lot about myself and other people. Now that things seemed to have settled down I have more time to put my thoughts on the matter down.
Have you ever known someone that you just couldn't fully believe in anything they said? Whenever they speak your left with the feeling that whether through omission or exaggeration you aren't quite getting the whole truth. It so happens that my wife and I have just such a friend. In addition to his allergy with the truth his stories tend to be grandiose over-productions that are clumsily laden with unintentional insults at the listener. Over time you just understand it and accept that its a part of who he is.
Last week this particular person called me. The call would not be extraordinary except that I can count on one hand the number of times he has called in the past 5 years. I chuckled as he opened with an unintended insult, "Hey listen, normally you'd be the last person on earth I would ask for a favor but...". He was in a bind and needed to borrow some money. I agreed to try and help him and asked how much he needed. Unfortunately he needed to borrow $500.00, and that is somewhat over the limit of what I can casually lend and I told him I would need to speak to my wife first.
Before I proceed the following are the facts what my wife and I knew at that point. Little more than a month ago during a frustrated day at work he quit and walked out. This is the same company that he fire from once before and cited that an internal conspiracy within the company would not allow him to file for unemployment. Having quit he was of course not eligible for benefits this time either. His wife works a steady minimum wage job and they had recently cashed out her 401k savings from a previous company. According to him they also had a plethora of savings on which to live for some time.
After a few weeks of sitting around he decided to take classes to become an insurance salesman. In the same month while paying for classes and supplies he also made several large purchases. An IMac, IPad, IPhone and other numerous toys were purchased all the while proclaiming savings were intact. Indeed he had even had enough to play with buying and selling stock. Now suddenly he has encountered a mysterious reversal of fortune in the span of one week? Had he spent through all of their savings, the money from her retirement, the money in stocks already? Perhaps more likely is that each pool of money was really one and the same.
I have never inquired into his financial stability because I honestly figure that it is none of my business. I have a tendency to empathize with people and this time was no different. After discussing it with my wife we both decided that $500 was more than we afford to lose. Because we wanted to help we offered to loan him $200 or $500 if he had some collateral. He was not interested in either option. I honestly felt bad. I really did want to help, but it felt too irresponsible to my own obligations to accept the risk.
Days later he called again to ask if I would co-sign on a loan for $2000. Unfortunately we could not. Again he repeated the urgency and importance of his need. I once again offered to loan him some money with collateral but when I tried to speak to him he told me he was too busy doing his chores to speak of it today and we would have to speak tomorrow. I must admit I was dumbstruck. So urgent was his needs for funds that he wanted the money wired, and then when I try to talk to him about it he just dismisses it outright as though he has all the time in the world.
I was right there with that one action that I lost all empathy for his situation. It occurred to me in that moment that he created his situation. He was either embellishing his need for money, or he failed to fully understand the severity of his situation. In either case it became clear to me. I believe he has every intention of paying me back. I do not however believe that he is capable of understanding his own situation in way appropriate to substantiate his belief. He believes he can repay me simply because he wants it to be so.
The next day only confirmed my beliefs on the matter. While he agreed to put up collateral it was under the condition that he be able to keep it. In the event that he couldn't pay, "I could just come over and take what ever he wasn't using". All the items of value belong to his wife and as such may not be used as he is solely responsible for resolving the situation on this own. This was another clue that lending him money was a bad idea. There is no solidarity at home, she has been removed from all responsibility for what will soon become consequences that impact both of them.
Both my wife and I feared that these events would damage or end our friendship and for the most part we were right. They see us as greedy and untrusting. In a sense their situation has become our fault. If WE had been willing to loan THEM money we "obviously" had they wouldn't be in a bad situation. In all honestly the blame doesn't bother me. It's hard sometimes when your in the middle of a bad situation of your own design to stop and accept responsibility. I think we instinctively look for someone to blame and take the responsibility out of our own hands.
I tried to explain why I couldn't just loan him the money outright. In the end I have to be accountable to my own family. If I loan him the money and he fails to repay it, we will suffer the consequences. If that happens I can't simply blame him for not paying me back. The responsibility of my decisions stays with me. As I feared my explanation fell on deaf ears. Although we may have burned a bridge it has taught me not to base my decisions on my empathy.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Zero Punctuation
I must admit that lately I've been indulging a bit of an obsession. Sometime ago a friend introduced me to an online game review video type blog on The Escapist Magazine called Zero Punctuation. The author doing the reviews is a British born gentleman currently living in Australia. What makes his game reviews so unique is the format. The reviews are animated in his own trademarked style. As the name might suggest he speaks at a very fast pace as he literally picks games apart.
It's a combination of things that keeps me enthralled. His rate of speech while considered fast paced is at the speed in which I wish all conversations took place. Also his frequent use of color metaphors and comparisons for illustrating his point hits close to home. Metaphors have long been my preferred method for communicating not just a thought but the feeling behind it. His brand of humor is sarcastic but honest in way I can relate to.
I've been listening to his reviews for weeks now, waiting impatiently each Wednesday for him to release a new one. Last night / this morning while searching on YouTube I stumbled across a number of people who either subtly or just blatantly try to recreate Yahtzee's (his nickname) style but it always falls short. Everyone I watched had some of the same elements but never enough to create that winning combination. I just find combination of his rate of speech, accent, and humor oddly soothingly.
I must admit there is a part of me that desperately wants to do something similar. The problem is I know I would fall short. More than that I think an effort to copy someone is misguided. I think if I ever decided to try some type of review etc I would need to find my own angle to make it unique. Food for thought.
It's a combination of things that keeps me enthralled. His rate of speech while considered fast paced is at the speed in which I wish all conversations took place. Also his frequent use of color metaphors and comparisons for illustrating his point hits close to home. Metaphors have long been my preferred method for communicating not just a thought but the feeling behind it. His brand of humor is sarcastic but honest in way I can relate to.
I've been listening to his reviews for weeks now, waiting impatiently each Wednesday for him to release a new one. Last night / this morning while searching on YouTube I stumbled across a number of people who either subtly or just blatantly try to recreate Yahtzee's (his nickname) style but it always falls short. Everyone I watched had some of the same elements but never enough to create that winning combination. I just find combination of his rate of speech, accent, and humor oddly soothingly.
I must admit there is a part of me that desperately wants to do something similar. The problem is I know I would fall short. More than that I think an effort to copy someone is misguided. I think if I ever decided to try some type of review etc I would need to find my own angle to make it unique. Food for thought.
Ack! Tick tick tick tick
We have a friend of ours that has Tourette syndrome. Not the more rare but highly publicized version that causes people to curse randomly, but the more common kind that just causes nervous ticks such as random movements or noises. Why am I mentioning this? Because at this moment I am sympathizing with that person in a rather unique way. The medicine I am on sometimes causes me to have a sort of nervous tick. My tick involves my tongue, I am either constantly rubbing the roof of my mouth or creating a sort of vacuum that causes my mouth to collect saliva. Over time (a day or so) it will cause the beginning of a sore on my tongue.
I think the most frustrating thing for is that I know am doing it. I know what will happen if I don't stop and yet somehow I am unable to control it. I want to say to myself, "Just Stop!" I feel like it should be that easy and yet I can't explain why its not. I can force my tongue to relax and perhaps not do it for a moment but it feels like I'm going to choke. Its like I've become acutely aware of my own swallowing and now I'm so conscious of it I'm screwing it up. Its just so frustrating not to have your body respond to your commands. Overall though it is a little humbling because its just a glimpse of what other people with more severe neurological disorders go through.
It's 4 a.m. and I'm still awake. I suppose its time for what I call a reboot. It seems unwise to try and go to sleep at this point. If I sleep their will be no waking me for work. So I will probably try to just stay up for a couple more hours before heading off to work. At least I can get there early for once... maybe.
ADHD
As you may or may not know I have ADHD. I was diagnosed as kid and prescribed Ritalin. I took it for a little while but I never liked the way it made me feel and my parents were never very consistent about making sure I took it. After a few months they just stopped filling the Rx. It almost felt like a fad. Fast forward to today, or rather a few years ago. I, much like my wife, am not very fond of taking medications. The idea of being "tied" to something was very unappealing. I imagined myself as a diabetic during the zombie apocalypse at the mercy of either brain eating zombies or insulin. I didn't like the idea of being dependent on things.
One day after some conversation my wife made some very good points. I never really thought of things being bad, but I didn't really have anything to compare it to. In a way I was ignorant to the possibility of what could be. What if things could be better? A few doctor visits later I had an Rx for Stratera. The doctor chose Stratera mainly because it's the only ADHD medication that is not a narcotic.
The first problem I had with Stratera was that it made me sort of nauseous, but I managed to work around that. It did have an effect on my behavior but other people noticed the change long before I could perceive a difference. I chose not to tell anyone that I was taking the medicine. I wanted any observations made to be unbiased. People were very used to me being excitable and hyper and the change in behavior was perceived as extreme. Often times people thought that I was sad. I tried to stay with the Stratera for as long as I could but in the end some very unusual side effects caused my doctor to discontinue the Stratera and prescribe Aderall XR.
Aderall was a huge difference from Stratera. The nausea was gone and my attitude was not perceived as being sad or depressed. I had some mania the very first time I took it which lead to non stop multi-day cleaning spree on my part, but afterwards the side effects subsided to random bad cases of dry mouth. With the dry mouth sometimes came the habit of constantly rubbing my tongue against the roof of my mouth. In retrospect it seems more like a tick. When the problem persisted I would develop a sore in the middle of my tongue. Usually just stopping the medication for 1 to 2 days would let my tongue heal and then I would continue without problem. Later I had some issues with teeth grinding at night but it was nothing a night time retainer couldn't fix.
My job situation has been "odd" to say the least for almost the last year. About 3 months after being at the clients it seemed like after more than a year of working just fine my medicine wasn't as effective. I mentioned it a few times when I got my refills and the doctor offered to up my dosage. I decided not to change anything for a while and see if I could work on things from my end. At one point I even wondered if the changes weren't due to a change in my Rx from name brand to a generic. Finally after a few months I decided to talk to the doctor about changing my dose.
When I spoke to the doctor she mentioned a new drug called Vyvanse that many of her patients had been changing to. After some discussion I decided to try it. The first Rx was OK but it seemed very underpowered. After some discussion she decided to change to a higher dosage twice a day. After the dosage change I could definitely tell a difference. The problem however was that the side effects seemed much more severe. With Vyvanse I seemed to have wet mouth. I find myself constantly carrying a mouthful of spit. Also that nervous tick with my tongue returned with a vengeance.
It got to the point that I couldn't take 2 pills a day for more than 2 or 3 days at a time before my symptoms caused me to either stop or only take one pill. It also took me a while to realize but even with the full dose I still had this sense of apathy. I think perhaps the problem I am having right now is one that the medicine can't help. I wonder if its not just as effective as its always been, and its just that the issues I am having are interfering.
The side effects I am having make me think I'm taking too much. I have figured out that I have to be careful what other medicines I take with it. I have particularly bad allergies and I have found that if I am taking even just one pill in addition to allergy medicine the side effects can be worse faster. Recently while doing a search for something I came across this article on Vyvanse. Here is a small excerpt that caught my attention:
Due to the side effects my dosages have been all over the place including some on again off again periods. As I mentioned in a previous blog my wife has recently observed what might be described as depression (though I wouldn't say severe). I have also had more than one bout of what I would call extreme tiredness. Not to mention about 15lbs of weight gain. (of course that might have something to do with the cheesecake, oreos, cookies, and popsicles that I have charitably called meals recently) Still, I wonder if my medicine isn't throwing me out of whack a little.
One more quick excerpt from the article under the serious side effects section:
I must admit these two bullets gave me a chuckle. "Believing things that are not true", like the new Knight Rider series that got canceled was an excellent mini-series with great characters and stories that was unfairly canceled before its time? "Feeling unusually suspicious of others", as opposed to a usual suspicion of other people? I'm curious exactly how suspicious is unusually suspicious? As my good friend Fox Mulder used to say, "Trust No One!"
One day after some conversation my wife made some very good points. I never really thought of things being bad, but I didn't really have anything to compare it to. In a way I was ignorant to the possibility of what could be. What if things could be better? A few doctor visits later I had an Rx for Stratera. The doctor chose Stratera mainly because it's the only ADHD medication that is not a narcotic.
The first problem I had with Stratera was that it made me sort of nauseous, but I managed to work around that. It did have an effect on my behavior but other people noticed the change long before I could perceive a difference. I chose not to tell anyone that I was taking the medicine. I wanted any observations made to be unbiased. People were very used to me being excitable and hyper and the change in behavior was perceived as extreme. Often times people thought that I was sad. I tried to stay with the Stratera for as long as I could but in the end some very unusual side effects caused my doctor to discontinue the Stratera and prescribe Aderall XR.
Aderall was a huge difference from Stratera. The nausea was gone and my attitude was not perceived as being sad or depressed. I had some mania the very first time I took it which lead to non stop multi-day cleaning spree on my part, but afterwards the side effects subsided to random bad cases of dry mouth. With the dry mouth sometimes came the habit of constantly rubbing my tongue against the roof of my mouth. In retrospect it seems more like a tick. When the problem persisted I would develop a sore in the middle of my tongue. Usually just stopping the medication for 1 to 2 days would let my tongue heal and then I would continue without problem. Later I had some issues with teeth grinding at night but it was nothing a night time retainer couldn't fix.
My job situation has been "odd" to say the least for almost the last year. About 3 months after being at the clients it seemed like after more than a year of working just fine my medicine wasn't as effective. I mentioned it a few times when I got my refills and the doctor offered to up my dosage. I decided not to change anything for a while and see if I could work on things from my end. At one point I even wondered if the changes weren't due to a change in my Rx from name brand to a generic. Finally after a few months I decided to talk to the doctor about changing my dose.
When I spoke to the doctor she mentioned a new drug called Vyvanse that many of her patients had been changing to. After some discussion I decided to try it. The first Rx was OK but it seemed very underpowered. After some discussion she decided to change to a higher dosage twice a day. After the dosage change I could definitely tell a difference. The problem however was that the side effects seemed much more severe. With Vyvanse I seemed to have wet mouth. I find myself constantly carrying a mouthful of spit. Also that nervous tick with my tongue returned with a vengeance.
It got to the point that I couldn't take 2 pills a day for more than 2 or 3 days at a time before my symptoms caused me to either stop or only take one pill. It also took me a while to realize but even with the full dose I still had this sense of apathy. I think perhaps the problem I am having right now is one that the medicine can't help. I wonder if its not just as effective as its always been, and its just that the issues I am having are interfering.
The side effects I am having make me think I'm taking too much. I have figured out that I have to be careful what other medicines I take with it. I have particularly bad allergies and I have found that if I am taking even just one pill in addition to allergy medicine the side effects can be worse faster. Recently while doing a search for something I came across this article on Vyvanse. Here is a small excerpt that caught my attention:
Do not stop taking lisdexamfetamine without talking to your doctor, especially if you have overused the medication. Your doctor will probably decrease your dose gradually and monitor you carefully during this time. You may develop severe depression and extreme tiredness if you suddenly stop taking lisdexamfetamine after overusing it.
Due to the side effects my dosages have been all over the place including some on again off again periods. As I mentioned in a previous blog my wife has recently observed what might be described as depression (though I wouldn't say severe). I have also had more than one bout of what I would call extreme tiredness. Not to mention about 15lbs of weight gain. (of course that might have something to do with the cheesecake, oreos, cookies, and popsicles that I have charitably called meals recently) Still, I wonder if my medicine isn't throwing me out of whack a little.
One more quick excerpt from the article under the serious side effects section:
- believing things that are not true
- feeling unusually suspicious of others
I must admit these two bullets gave me a chuckle. "Believing things that are not true", like the new Knight Rider series that got canceled was an excellent mini-series with great characters and stories that was unfairly canceled before its time? "Feeling unusually suspicious of others", as opposed to a usual suspicion of other people? I'm curious exactly how suspicious is unusually suspicious? As my good friend Fox Mulder used to say, "Trust No One!"
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
A little "off"
I think I've been a bit "off" lately. My wife thinks I might be a bit depressed. Depression is one of those odd things I have a hard time understanding. I used to believe being depressed meant contemplating various methods for shuffling off the ole' mortal coil. I have since come to understand that being depressed can manifest in a myriad of different ways, but its still hard for me to recognize it in myself.
My symptoms appear to be as follows:
I'm tired more often. Often times I don't feel like doing anything and oddly enough when I do I can't seem to figure out what to do until time seems to have just passed me by. I am withdrawn but I'm not necessarily avoiding people. I would like to but I have a reasonable penchant towards practicality. I posted in a previous blog that I would like nothing better than to hide away in a basement doing essentially nothing. There was a particular emphasis on avoiding the sunlight all together though my motives are not as depressed as they seem. I actually like the sunlight just fine. The real reason for eliminating my exposure to it was because it represents a sense of time, and time is exactly what I wanted to forget. 3a.m. or 5p.m would be completely irrelevant. 24 hours would no longer define a "day". The "day" would be as long as my circadian rhythm dictated.
To be honest I think a lot of the way I feel right now is a combination how I feel about my current job and some life changing events in my life. My job right now is very disorganized. Things are very undefined with no real structure and I am not in a position to be able to bring the order that I or the project needs. I hesitate to complain because the job itself is very laid back and easy going, so much though nothing seems to matter. The project itself isn't even defined, or it gets defined as we go. I am glad that the deadlines don't seem to matter but I think its because they know the expectations are unreasonable or more likely they aren't really sure what the expectations are.
Having a baby is listed as one of those common "Stress Factors" right beside job loss, divorce, marriage, and any other major event. I realize that it does impact me but I'm honestly really happy that I'm going to be a father. I know there are a lot of things that will need to be done and I do feel a renewed emphasis on money. Truthfully though I don't think these things are the problem. I don't feel anxious about what has to be done. I do however feel "odd" about all the things that were already on the list to be done.
I say "odd" because I don't know what the feeling is or how to describe it. I feel a little ashamed at all the things that I should have done by now that I just consistently put off. It's almost as though I'm having a "reckoning" with myself. There are times when I ask myself how I can expect to do the things I intend regarding the baby when I couldn't do the things I intended to get done before. Our money situation is not bad, but at the same time its not where we wanted to be either. I think I could be OK with that except for the fact that I no longer feel empowered to do anything about it. Frugality and saving is a passive approach (still positive). In the past though I felt like I could use a more active approach to change things.
Maybe that's what I want to hide from, responsibility. Not the responsibility of being a father or a husband which I think someone would naturally assume first. I don't feel empowered to change things in general be it at work or home. That's not to say I think I am a failure. I have not lost my perspective as far as that is concerned. I have a lot of good things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful wife. I am about to be a father. We are both comfortable and happy. It isn't that I forget the good things, its just that the good doesn't just excuse the bad.
I think my fantasy about retreating is really just a selfish dream. I want to withdraw and do what I want. I want to avoid interactions with people because I don't want to be concerned with them or what they want. It all seems to come back to me me me and that's a selfish attitude to have. There is more to think about than just myself. Maybe that's what depression is, selfishness. Theinability lack of desire to look beyond my own needs and wants.
My symptoms appear to be as follows:
I'm tired more often. Often times I don't feel like doing anything and oddly enough when I do I can't seem to figure out what to do until time seems to have just passed me by. I am withdrawn but I'm not necessarily avoiding people. I would like to but I have a reasonable penchant towards practicality. I posted in a previous blog that I would like nothing better than to hide away in a basement doing essentially nothing. There was a particular emphasis on avoiding the sunlight all together though my motives are not as depressed as they seem. I actually like the sunlight just fine. The real reason for eliminating my exposure to it was because it represents a sense of time, and time is exactly what I wanted to forget. 3a.m. or 5p.m would be completely irrelevant. 24 hours would no longer define a "day". The "day" would be as long as my circadian rhythm dictated.
To be honest I think a lot of the way I feel right now is a combination how I feel about my current job and some life changing events in my life. My job right now is very disorganized. Things are very undefined with no real structure and I am not in a position to be able to bring the order that I or the project needs. I hesitate to complain because the job itself is very laid back and easy going, so much though nothing seems to matter. The project itself isn't even defined, or it gets defined as we go. I am glad that the deadlines don't seem to matter but I think its because they know the expectations are unreasonable or more likely they aren't really sure what the expectations are.
Having a baby is listed as one of those common "Stress Factors" right beside job loss, divorce, marriage, and any other major event. I realize that it does impact me but I'm honestly really happy that I'm going to be a father. I know there are a lot of things that will need to be done and I do feel a renewed emphasis on money. Truthfully though I don't think these things are the problem. I don't feel anxious about what has to be done. I do however feel "odd" about all the things that were already on the list to be done.
I say "odd" because I don't know what the feeling is or how to describe it. I feel a little ashamed at all the things that I should have done by now that I just consistently put off. It's almost as though I'm having a "reckoning" with myself. There are times when I ask myself how I can expect to do the things I intend regarding the baby when I couldn't do the things I intended to get done before. Our money situation is not bad, but at the same time its not where we wanted to be either. I think I could be OK with that except for the fact that I no longer feel empowered to do anything about it. Frugality and saving is a passive approach (still positive). In the past though I felt like I could use a more active approach to change things.
Maybe that's what I want to hide from, responsibility. Not the responsibility of being a father or a husband which I think someone would naturally assume first. I don't feel empowered to change things in general be it at work or home. That's not to say I think I am a failure. I have not lost my perspective as far as that is concerned. I have a lot of good things to be thankful for. I have a wonderful wife. I am about to be a father. We are both comfortable and happy. It isn't that I forget the good things, its just that the good doesn't just excuse the bad.
I think my fantasy about retreating is really just a selfish dream. I want to withdraw and do what I want. I want to avoid interactions with people because I don't want to be concerned with them or what they want. It all seems to come back to me me me and that's a selfish attitude to have. There is more to think about than just myself. Maybe that's what depression is, selfishness. The
XBox 360
It happened by chance, but it happened none the less. The stars somehow aligned and I finally picked up an XBox 360. Its not that I hated the system really, it just never appealed to me. My only previous experience with an XBox is the vague memory of playing Mechwarrior for 5 minutes and once observing a game of Halo. Quite frankly I don't even know if it was an XBox or an XBox 360. The XBox always seemed like a system poised to appeal to your college frat boy.
To be fair I wasn't a fan of the PS3 in the beginning either, having owned neither the PS 1 or PS 2 before it. The controllers for system other than Nintendo always felt foreign in my hands, and I had always considered myself more of a computer gamer than a console junkie. Then one Christmas we picked up a couple of PS3's to hopefully resell for some extra Christmas money. The first one sold very well but right afterwards the demand dropped completely off. After a while we decided to keep the second one and we haven't been sorry. The launch titles were definitely iffy at best, but the console eventually grew out of its awkward puberty into a quite capable machine.
My draw to the XBox was mostly due to a game. The initial news that Portals 2 would not be available on the PS3 was the first event to force me to consider purchasing one. Later to my relief they announced that although they were pushing back the release date it would be available on the PS3. However with the idea of the XBox on my mind I started to wonder what other games I might actually be interested in that were only available on the XBox. Fable 2 was the first that came to mind. I had seen the reviews for quite a while and it had always looked interesting.
At the same time I was considering this it just so happened that a friend of mine had an Arcade Version that he was willing to part with for a song. Having no prior knowledge of the system I was quick to learn that Arcade meant basically it had no Hard Drive or Wireless etc. My only fear or hesitation was the common Red Ring of Death problem that seemed to be plaguing the XBox 360 since... well since as long as I can remember. For the price however I decided to take the chance. All he had was the System, Power Cord, and the game Mass Effect. It seems the other peripherals were all victims of various unexplained accidents. I found Fable 2 on sale for $19.99 and I picked up a controller and an AV cable. Apparently older XBox 360 models are without HDMI.
With the console hooked up and the game in place I crossed my fingers and hit the power. The system seemed good and game play seemed fine. I played for quite a while the first night before saving and shutting down to get some sleep. The next day however after playing for only a few moments the system hung. I cycled the power and tried to load the game again but the result was the same. I tried making a new game but still all it would do was load and then hang. I was disappointed to say the least but after reading online apparently its a common problem with the game if you don't have a hard drive. There were a large number of hits and complaints that apparently are just going ignored.
Accepting my fate I decided to head down to the Game Stop and see about a Hard Drive. I actually felt pretty lucky. They happened to have a decent sized drive at a somewhat reasonable price. So drive purchased and attached. Disc in place, power on and install! Except two minutes into the install a message appears saying the disc is unreadable or may be scratched. The disc was new and its condition was pristine. Finally after spending some quality time with Google I found once again that the problem I was having was not uncommon. So after a lengthy exchange process I returned triumphant with a working copy of Fable 2. If the game turns out not to be worth all the effort I'm going to call Peter Molyneux and have a long talk.
To be fair I wasn't a fan of the PS3 in the beginning either, having owned neither the PS 1 or PS 2 before it. The controllers for system other than Nintendo always felt foreign in my hands, and I had always considered myself more of a computer gamer than a console junkie. Then one Christmas we picked up a couple of PS3's to hopefully resell for some extra Christmas money. The first one sold very well but right afterwards the demand dropped completely off. After a while we decided to keep the second one and we haven't been sorry. The launch titles were definitely iffy at best, but the console eventually grew out of its awkward puberty into a quite capable machine.
My draw to the XBox was mostly due to a game. The initial news that Portals 2 would not be available on the PS3 was the first event to force me to consider purchasing one. Later to my relief they announced that although they were pushing back the release date it would be available on the PS3. However with the idea of the XBox on my mind I started to wonder what other games I might actually be interested in that were only available on the XBox. Fable 2 was the first that came to mind. I had seen the reviews for quite a while and it had always looked interesting.
At the same time I was considering this it just so happened that a friend of mine had an Arcade Version that he was willing to part with for a song. Having no prior knowledge of the system I was quick to learn that Arcade meant basically it had no Hard Drive or Wireless etc. My only fear or hesitation was the common Red Ring of Death problem that seemed to be plaguing the XBox 360 since... well since as long as I can remember. For the price however I decided to take the chance. All he had was the System, Power Cord, and the game Mass Effect. It seems the other peripherals were all victims of various unexplained accidents. I found Fable 2 on sale for $19.99 and I picked up a controller and an AV cable. Apparently older XBox 360 models are without HDMI.
With the console hooked up and the game in place I crossed my fingers and hit the power. The system seemed good and game play seemed fine. I played for quite a while the first night before saving and shutting down to get some sleep. The next day however after playing for only a few moments the system hung. I cycled the power and tried to load the game again but the result was the same. I tried making a new game but still all it would do was load and then hang. I was disappointed to say the least but after reading online apparently its a common problem with the game if you don't have a hard drive. There were a large number of hits and complaints that apparently are just going ignored.
Accepting my fate I decided to head down to the Game Stop and see about a Hard Drive. I actually felt pretty lucky. They happened to have a decent sized drive at a somewhat reasonable price. So drive purchased and attached. Disc in place, power on and install! Except two minutes into the install a message appears saying the disc is unreadable or may be scratched. The disc was new and its condition was pristine. Finally after spending some quality time with Google I found once again that the problem I was having was not uncommon. So after a lengthy exchange process I returned triumphant with a working copy of Fable 2. If the game turns out not to be worth all the effort I'm going to call Peter Molyneux and have a long talk.
To blog or not to blog
Sometimes its hard to actually blog about whats going on in your life. The problem centers around the lack of anonymity mostly. If your blog is actually associated with you it can make posting about things like work, friends, and family a very precarious situation. I find myself choosing my words carefully or simply not saying anything at all in some situations just in case my words should come back to haunt me. The old warning to watch what you say would be better put as watch what you express.
I have known people who take the stance that their blog is their own and that any liberties they might take in expressing their feelings are well within their rights. Perhaps in a perfect world. The fact is that while you are free to express yourself there is nothing granting you indemnity for your reactions. Only a fool or an ass believes they are beyond reproach. Anonymity is expressions true friend, for it is only when we are free from consequence that we express are true feelings.
I have known people who take the stance that their blog is their own and that any liberties they might take in expressing their feelings are well within their rights. Perhaps in a perfect world. The fact is that while you are free to express yourself there is nothing granting you indemnity for your reactions. Only a fool or an ass believes they are beyond reproach. Anonymity is expressions true friend, for it is only when we are free from consequence that we express are true feelings.
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