Rewind 50 years and consider the following scenario: You've just had a baby and you want to let other people know. What do you do? You compile a list of people you think might want to know about the event and write them each a letter. For brevity you try to consider whether some people will be interested enough. Fast forward a couple of decades and perhaps instead of letters you are deciding who to call. Speed forward a few more decades and replace the phone with email.
Email gave us the advantage of simply copying multiple recipients but the premise is still unchanged in that you must specifically select the people you think may have interest in your message. What Facebook really did that was so "revolutionary" was shifting the responsibility of interest from the person disseminating the information to those with an interest in receiving it. Passive observation has allowed for more people to take part in conversations they find relevant.
Intrinsic to the Facebook communication model is the concept of "Friends". I believe "Friends" was a good choice of words to describe the implied contract between both people. Lets look at what we are really saying when we accept a friend request. Creating this connection as friend means ultimately that both parties have some mutual interest in each other and by extension in what they may have to say or things happening their lives. It does not imply an obligation to comment or reply to the information that is being distributed. For all intents and purposes it represents the same principal as its "real life" counterpart.
Consider then very carefully what you are saying when you "UnFriend" someone. The message you are sending is very clear. It is the "real world" equivalent of saying to someone, "I have no real interest in anything you do or say nor am I interested in sharing anything with you. I do not care about you, what you do, or what you think." Some people believe that actions online do not extend to real life. As though to say you could write you friend an email to tell them you hate them and wish they would die, but still show up for dinner at their house later that day only to be confused at why they are upset. Your actions, digital or real, still convey Your feelings and intentions.
Recently a long time friend of my wife and I decided to "UnFriend" her and then became immediately confused when I in turn "UnFriended" him. At the surface it sounds quite silly and petty like children making faces at each other on the playground, but when you look a little harder you see the real intent. To translate it to the real world the conversation would be similar to the following:
Friend: "Hello Joshua and Randi. Randi I don't really like you anymore, I'm really not interested in anything you do or say and I'd really rather you stay out of my business as well."
Joshua: "Please leave now."
Friend: "Why? What did I do?!?"
Joshua: "Please leave now."
Friend: "Why? What did I do?!?"
In many ways I think Randi and I were both disappointed. Its not everyday that someone goes out of their way to tell you they don't like you. Our disappointment however was somewhat tempered by our expectations but this was one of those instances where you hope that you will be wrong.
In many ways these particular friends have always been a direct antithesis of us. Personally I don't consider this to be bad thing necessarily as different viewpoints and approaches are what make life interesting. The problem is the perspective that someone adopts when supporting an opposing view. Some people support their difference of opinions and beliefs as a simple matter of preference, while others tend toward tearing down opposing views.
Unfortunately these particular friends have always tended towards the latter category. One point in particular was children. Haven chosen not to reproduce anyone who did not feel similarly was stupid and wrong. Although we feel differently on the subject it had never mattered in the past since we didn't have children yet. When feared that having children would probably mean an end to our friendship with them but optimistically we hoped not. Although nothing was directly said, shortly after the announcement communication began to drop off until our friendship finally ended.
Looking back it is somewhat sad. Very few friendships actually come to a definitive end, opting instead to simply drift apart for a while. Some would say that such an ending indicates that there was never any real friendship to begin with, but I would have to disagree. Looking back I can definitely recall some very fond memories and good times. Though I do not relish the feelings of disappointment I would not trade the fun we had and the good times we shared in order to avoid it.
