Sleep

Yesterday marked the beginning of another sleep reset for me.  As the evening wore on I found that I really didn't feel all that tired but when the time came we got ready for bed and I found I had no trouble at all.  My wife tells me that I slept very soundly.  Apparently I slept so deeply that I have no recollection of anything that happened this morning. 

Normally the cat pesters me awake between 4 am and 5 am, but this morning I apparently slept through all of his attempts.  I have no memory of the alarm or the my wifes attempts at waking me.  The only thing I remember was her last attempt before leaving for work. 

Even though I know I've had more than 8 hours of sleep it took everything I had to drag myself out of bed this morning, and after I was up I continued to be tired and groggy.  This in paticular is unusual for me.  As my wife will tell you once I wake up I am normally full energy and full of pep (which often drives her crazy).  The drive to work was hard, I felt as though I were falling asleep and even now a nap sounds like a great idea.

I can't imagine that I actually need MORE sleep!  Maybe my body / mind is just confused.

Why am I still up?

Good question. Its 4:30am and I have work in only a few hours but here I am awake. I tried very hard to get some sleep about 6 hours ago. I laid down with my wife and closed my eyes and desperately tried to simply be asleep. It seemed like every so often my eyes would accidentally open just long enough to mark the passing of time by the clock that projects on the ceiling. Finally sometime around 1:00am I had an idea. In my youth when I could not sleep I would put in a movie I was very familiar with. Something slow paced with mellow musical tracks every so often. Disney would use suffice but I also enjoyed Tim Burtons "A Nightmare Before X-mas". It just so happens that I have that very movie on blu-ray as well as a digital copy. So I grabbed up my IPod and my headphones only to discover that for some reason the movie had been erased. I knew I could I get a copy again from my laptop in the living room but then I would have to disarm the alarm and wake up my wife. After some thought I had the idea to watch something on YouTube. Fast forward an hour or so and I had managed to do was pass the time and discover that my headphones are apparently broken. If I can remember by the morning I will have to ask my wife if they worked when she used them last. I am somewhat bummed that they are broken as they were really very nice. After exhausting all my other ideas I laid back down and tried to once again close my eyes and force myself to sleep. This time I just couldn't lay still. It seemed as though every few moments something different would itch, or my nose would whistle. To make matters worse something decided I was hungry. After a few more moments I got out of bed and loved on the cat for a while, a crime I am sure I will pay for with shredded shoelaces in the near future. Finally I decided to just get up for a little bit. Perhaps some food and reading would make me tired again and I could catch a few hours sleep. I disarmed and reset the alarm. My wife was so deep asleep she either didn't notice or she did notice and chose not to acknowledge the noise I made. I got a bite to eat and sat down to read a little and write this blog. It would figure that now that its almost 5:00am I suddenly finally feel a little more run down and possibly ready to sleep. My sleeping habits have always been somewhat abnormal. There are windows of time in which if I lay down I will be able to sleep but if I miss that window then I may as well not bother at all. A feeling washes over me and instinctively I know I only have so much time to lay down and start sleeping. You would think sporadic sleeping would cause me to nod off throughout the day. Whenever my friend Mike doesn't get enough sleep it is all he can do just keep his eyes open the next day. For me however once the day begins there is very little chance of my nodding off despite my fatigue. Until the feeling washes over me I am wide awake whether I want to be or not.

Can't Sleep, Clown will eat me!

At least that's what it feels like. I've been up all night so far and I am now well into the next morning. I'm not sure why I couldn't sleep, perhaps its just general anxieties getting the best of me... or maybe I'm having a traumatic psychotic episode that will cause me to break with reality and go on a rampage pumping round after round into people and animals alike!!! Nah, probably just anxiety, probably!