The frustration...

I'm going to share something with you. I have ADHD. Not the fun trendy every kid that doesn't behave must have ADHD, the real one. The reality is its not fun. Unlike some the problem has followed me into adulthood. As a child I loathed taking medicine of any kind, especially anything that was going to change the way I felt. Even into adulthood I have maintained much of my reluctance to rely on medicines. It was only within the past few years that fully began to see and understand the impact it was having not only on my work but my personal life. It was after some problems and a continued period of simply not being able to focus that I considered perhaps things could indeed be better. I spoke to my doctor and his first suggestion was Strattera, mainly because it was a non narcotic. Strattera kind of worked. Everyone else thought I was depressed but outwardly I was calmer. The problem was it had some very nasty side effects. At first I didn't say anything because I wanted to try and give it some time but after a while it became clear I would have to talk to the doctor. After Strattera he prescribed Adderall. Adderall really worked, it made a different kind of impact than Strattera. Adderall is a narcotic though so getting a prescription means a going to the Dr.'s office each month to pick it up. All was going well for me, I had been taking medicine for almost a year. Then one day I get a letter in the mail. My doctor an all the doctors in his group will no longer be prescribing my medication or maintenance pain medication. I called the office to better understand what this meant to me and what my options were. The options I was given was basically a list of Psychologists you can schedule an appointment with. Out of the list of about 10 I was able to find two that would actually take a new client and prescribe medication. The new problem? Neither of them had an appointment available for months on end. I only had so many pills so I inquired what I was supposed to do until then? The responses all boiled down to "Your pretty much screwed then huh." No one would prescribe the medicine without seeing me first to access if I needed it or not. No one seemed to care that there were side effects associated with starting and stopping the medication. I had to make do and I did the best I could. No it wasn't the end of the world or anything but yes it was frustrating and yes it had an impact. So then I meet with a psychologist and I have to admit internally I was offended as she looked at me and asked me all kinds of questions. Its not that mind answering them. I don't. It was that she was attempting to decide whether or not I should have the medicine I have been on for a year or not. She was deciding whether I should have it, something else, or perhaps nothing at all. Even though the determination had already been made that I had ADHD, and a medicine had already been prescribed and was working well. She would make this single determination. In the end I was able to get the prescription again. This time though with an added stipulation. Now I needed to see her for 15 minutes each month to get the next prescription. Not because she could determine so much in 15 minutes, its because then you can bill an office call with all the associated charges. It was a sham but it was the apparent "song and dance" I would have to do. So that is what I have done for many months now, close to a year. A few days ago I get a letter in the mail. My psychologist is no longer practicing, sorry. So I call up the office to find out what I need to do now. Since she has left they have divided her case load. A nurse practitioner that can write scripts and a psychologist are seeing her patients until they find a replacement. What does this mean? Well in order to get my next prescription I need to see the nurse practitioner. Oh but wait she doesn't have an open appointment until a month or so from now. Guess what? I'm almost out of pills again. She doesn't feel right writing the script however without seeing me first. (Notice the pattern) So now I need to meet with a nurse practitioner who will once again review my case and make summary judgement whether or not to continue. Additionally I will just have to suck up any medicine gaps in between. If she doesn't feel comfortable writing the prescription then I have to go and find another psychologist, and wait some more until they make a judgement. The icing on the cake? Even after she agrees to write the prescription I will still need to see someone else yet again once they find a permanent replacement. That person will also have to make a judgement about whether to continue. Why do I feel like the only person that sees this as a big deal? If I had diabetes or some other disease and for whatever reason my doctor changed they wouldn't withhold my medicine until I came in so they could determine if I really had diabetes or not? A diagnosis has been made. Are they free to question it? Sure, but not at the expense of your current treatment. What gives them that right? The right to say I don't trust anyone that has given you a diagnosis so I'm going to act like you you never had one and then I'll decide whats best. Why do I feel like the only person that thinks its insane that it seems easier and cheaper to buy a medicine through some online pharmacy than it is to get it through your own doctor after you have already been diagnosed? Why is this OK damnit! No, despite appearances I'm not raving mad. I am frustrated and indignant. I'm tired of being treated like a drug dealer, or a some easy ticket for some free insurance money. Perhaps the root of my frustration is that I just don't know what to do about it. I basically just have to accept it and go on.