Somber

It's been a while yet again since my last post. Several times I've intended to post but it seems I always get distracted before I can get to it. I...guess I'm supposed to go to bed now...

[iBlogger'd from my iPod!]

Fear

As I lay here trying to sleep I find myself preoccupied with an idea. Pain is merely a signal sent from a nerve to the brain where it is translated. Imagine for the moment if we could affect this process. What if we could tell the brain to ignore the signal?

It sounds good at first, but it didn't take me long to make the following realizations. Pain is a main contributor to fear. Whether it is physical, emotional, or spiritual pain is more often the negative consequence of an action that is meant to discourage a behavior.

Pain tells us not to leave our hand on the stove. We are not afraid of the stove, we are afraid of being burned. Fear tells us to keep our distance from a large strange dog. We do not fear the dog only the pain of the bite. If we take away the pain we essentialy take away the fear. Pain or the idea of pain if one of the great controllers of man.

Those of us who are larger in musculature and frame may perceive less pain than others. Additionally the size and fitness differences increase the likelyhood of success in a conflict. As a result the perception of fear is reduced because it tied to the likelyhood of pain. How does this impact individual limitations?

To take away pain is to remove consequence. In removing consequence we remove control and ultimately plunge humankind into chaos. I started my thoughts with the idea that pain and fear were mans great limiters. I imagined a world without these limits. As I come to my final conclusion I realize that our limits define us. Without fear and pain we have no control and without control nothing emerges but chaos. It seems ironic to be defined by that which limits us as opposed to all that does not.

[iBlogger'd from my iPod!]

Distracted

Well I'm feeling someone better but I am still somewhat distracted in general. Lately I've been plagued by the urge to draw something, which is comically odd considering I have little to no talent for it. I have always had issues with the way I see things. As a child I could draw anything as long as it had distinct lines. Art classes always want you to draw objects are people but I could never see the real "boundaries" enough on an apple to draw it. I think a mixture of sun and sugar is at least partially to blame for my recent lack of focus. My whole life I feel like a laser without a lens to focus the light. Whenever I try to get a handle on all the stuff I need or want to do it seems to get overwhelming pretty fast. The list continues to grow in part because I have a hard time finishing things. You need to someone to start something and get the ball rolling, I'm your man. If you need someone to bring it on home... not so much. Overall lately I would say I have been more apathetic than anything. Not because I have no feelings, but I have so many at once that none are expressed. Maybe my urge draw is being driven by my need to express something. I have been fascinated lately with beautiful things. I'm sure time will set things right again as it always does. Until then I'll cut down on my cookie intake.

IPod Touch OS 3 Update

Grabbed the new OS 3 update for the IPod Touch (about time they release). My first impression is good. They've added some much needed functionality including copy / paste. Additionally you can now browse videos and podcasts in addition to music when you browse ITunes from the device. On the downside if you do happen to pick something up that way just realize its probably going to take longer to download than it would if you downloaded it from your hard wired laptop and then sync'd to your Ipod. I was hoping to take a rental camping with me but the download time is most likely going to prevent my intention from becoming a reality. We are looking forward to getting our SCUBA certification this weekend!

Happy Birthday to me...

I turned 29 today. It happened while I staring at the numbers on the ceiling (projection clock). I didn't feel any older at the stroke of 12 than I did the moment before. My thoughts still lingered on the same tired things. Almost one third of my life has ticked away a moment at a time. The reality of the situation is that I should be rather pleased. I have accomplished quite a bit in the last 29 years. I'm married, we have a home, we aren't in debt, and we both have pretty stable jobs in a time when such a thing is less common. Although I suppose I have no cause, in the back of my mind I can't help but to feel as though I haven't done very much at all. What I have is good, I should and I do appreciate it. At the same time I feel as though I've fallen short. Short of what? I don't know, perhaps just my own expectations. The hell of it is that I can't put my finger on any one thing as a cause. Perhaps its just that I still feel sort of lost. I'm as lost at 29 as I was at 19 or even 9 for that matter. On the more positive side I realized some things as I reflected on my life to this point. I'm much more mellow. I have found a "calm" over the past few years, or perhaps my fire has just burned out. Our lives are measured in moments that march in cadence one by one until the last beat of the drum. Perhaps my realizations will motivate me to do more with the time I have. I am chuckling to myself as I wrote that last line, "do more with the time I have", more of what is the question.

Our new pool

My wife and I were recently surprised by our brand new pool. I think if we had been given just a little more notice however we might moved some our things before they decided to fill it with water. It was amazing how quickly it was put in. One day its a basement and the next viola, pool. I suppose this is my way of saying our basement was flooded. I blame myself really for believing it wouldn't happen. We had just returned home Friday night from a movie with friends when noticed a peculiar smell. It was my wife that discovered the source of the smell and the beginning of what turned out to be a very long weekend. Apparently I have magical powers. After accessing the damage I dredged through the water over the sump pit to inspect what should have been a running sump pump. After removing the cover I reached down and touched the sump pump with my finger. Just like magic the pump instantly sprang to life as though nothing had ever been wrong. Apparently I have the ability to bring plumbing equipment to life. As the pump reluctantly began performing the duties it had so long overlooked we began take a better assessment of the situation and work out a plan to begin clean up. Let me start by saying we had a LOT of stuff in our basement. Some of it ours, some of it others had asked us to store for them. 1600 sq ft, almost completely framed, and filled with everything from tools and computer equipment to heirlooms and paperwork. The power strips and UPS were underwater but luckily the GFI outlets tripped. I was relieved at least a server that a friend had recently brought over was up high enough not be affected. However my own server and computers were now practicing the backstroke. I have to say we took it well. Neither of us got very upset in the traditional sense. I think that we both saw the situation for what it was and we knew that the only thing to do now was focus on the task of cleaning up. We went out that night and bought some box fans and later the next day I rented some high power fans from an equipment rental place near by. Even with the fans running around the clock the basement is still wet. I realized a few things as we have been cleaning and moving things this weekend. 1. We have entirely too much stuff. 2. Cardboard is the devil. 3. I keep the most inane and ridiculous things. The weekend has been long and in honesty not very restful. Life seems to be a series of unfortunate events lately but I am determined not to let it break my spirit. Work is in a state of flux right now that makes me somewhat nervous as well. Occasionally I feel the beginning of anxiety about everything in general but I have been good about keeping these feelings at bay. Despite all that's happening around me its hard to be down. We have a trip to France coming up soon and we are planning on trying to have a baby soon. For some reason these things seem to make all the negatives seem less important. I suppose I am just preoccupied with things that matter more to me than the here and now.

The hits just keep on coming...

I have observed that events of similar a similar type appear to happen in groups. Whether it is the mindset triggered by the initial event that brings about subsequent events is a matter open for debate. In short, life kicks you when you are down. It's nothing to cry or be sad about instead it is a merely a fact to be accepted. Life has been hectic lately as I had mentioned in an early post. Arguably the best times to post seem to those in which we have the least amount of time to do so. My wife and I joined our friends to watch the new Wolverine movie this weekend. Overall the movie was enjoyable but it felt as though it were missing "something" to really push it over the top. I had to laugh to myself at the theater. Somehow I managed to pick a seat behind a very tall woman who's stature was only surpassed by that of her hair. If anything excited happened in the center of the screen I dare say I may have missed it. I wasn't upset as much as I was amused. I observed my surrounding and took note that for the most part every single row in front of us was occupied by children with a sprinkling of short to average height parents. It was only about the middle of the movie when I had a disturbing revelation. There are many times that my mind will notice something and yet somehow not make me instantly aware. It is only later when the event is brought to my attention that I realize I have really been aware of it for quite sometime. In this particular case it was coughing. It sounds trivial I know but this was no ordinary coughing. In spurts fits of coughing would begin with a one or two movie patrons and then spread rapidly until it seemed to reach a crescendo and then cease all together. It was one of these coughing fits that caught my attention and subsequently opened my eyes to the realization of how long it had been going on. I had to chuckle once more as my mind wandered to the topic of Swine Flu. Don't think me the paranoid type for I am not. In all honestly I don't keep up with the news that often and the fact that I am even aware of the Swine Flu at all is in large part due to my wife's efforts ensure at least up to date on current events. I found myself thinking back to several Zombie and Sci Fi movies. Outbreaks and infections, avoiding public places and large groups of people. The most common infection points tend to be airports, churches, and movies and here I sat.