Happy Birthday to me...

I turned 29 today. It happened while I staring at the numbers on the ceiling (projection clock). I didn't feel any older at the stroke of 12 than I did the moment before. My thoughts still lingered on the same tired things. Almost one third of my life has ticked away a moment at a time. The reality of the situation is that I should be rather pleased. I have accomplished quite a bit in the last 29 years. I'm married, we have a home, we aren't in debt, and we both have pretty stable jobs in a time when such a thing is less common. Although I suppose I have no cause, in the back of my mind I can't help but to feel as though I haven't done very much at all. What I have is good, I should and I do appreciate it. At the same time I feel as though I've fallen short. Short of what? I don't know, perhaps just my own expectations. The hell of it is that I can't put my finger on any one thing as a cause. Perhaps its just that I still feel sort of lost. I'm as lost at 29 as I was at 19 or even 9 for that matter. On the more positive side I realized some things as I reflected on my life to this point. I'm much more mellow. I have found a "calm" over the past few years, or perhaps my fire has just burned out. Our lives are measured in moments that march in cadence one by one until the last beat of the drum. Perhaps my realizations will motivate me to do more with the time I have. I am chuckling to myself as I wrote that last line, "do more with the time I have", more of what is the question.