Work

I've been rather apathetic recently and I have the overwhelming feeling that much of it is related to my work.  About 8 months or so ago I was placed at a client to do some work.  All positions have their quirks and so I chalked many of the issues up to this fact alone, but there always been this feeling I couldn't quite put into the words.  Don't misunderstand me, the client is actually very friendly and laid back.  So I kept asking myself, "What am I complaining about?"

Today after months of pondering in the back of my mind it suddenly occurred to me.  Do you remember Tetris? Tetris and other similar puzzle games would often have a "Continuous Mode".  In this mode the game simply goes on forever until 1 of 2 conditions are met.  You either lose or you stop playing.  The whole concept of entering into something with the only premise being to lose and the only benchmark being how long it took you to  do it seems... well stupid.  The feature even rears its ugly head in the occasional first person shooter, allowing the player to shoot creature after creature until eternity or death.  It sounds more like a description of pain rather than fun.

What does all this have to do with my project?  I can't win, it can't be beaten.  Level after level it just continues on and on without even a concept of an end and somehow I have the controller in my hand.  Even if I loose I just have to start playing again.  I had to pinch myself to make sure I hadn't slipped into a dream of my own private hell.  I don't care what my score is, or how quickly I was able to get in that last sub routine.  It's all without purpose, the ultimate exercise in futility.  And so I am apathetic, comfortably numb and insulated from the repetitive uselessness of it all.  I just wish it didn't bleed into the rest of my life.