Day 1 of ...

Every year around this time my wife leaves to go scrap booking with her family at a cabin down south.  She gets to spend some quality family bonding time and I get to hang out and do my own thing.  This year is a little different however since our daughter was born.

I think at first she considered taking our daughter with her.  Eventually however she realized it might be somewhat impractical.  I have no reservations about watching our daughter by myself.  After all I'm a big boy and a parent so I think of watching our daughter as less of a task and more of a responsibility and a privilege.  I may be projecting, but I can't help but to sense a general feeling of apprehension about the arrangement from my mother and to a lesser degree my wife.

Yesterday was my first day taking care of her myself in the afternoon.  Overall it was uneventful and normal.  We played, she peed, she ate, she barfed on me, the usual.  Once all her needs were taken care of and she had gone to sleep I was free to pursue "me time".

The only event that really stood out to me was her bath.  As I sat beside the tub washing her and playing with her my mother came upstairs to "observe".  At one point as I leaned her forward to wash her back she began to slide around the tub which is normal.  When it happened my mother commented, "It's not so easy is it?"  I looked up to see her smiling smugly as though reveling in some vindication.

I must admit, I was really irritated and after I moment I told her so.  I have never insinuated that caring for a child was an "easy job".  By her smugness and sense of vindication however I felt as though I had somehow been cast into the stereotypical mindset of an American male circa 1950.  I had been type cast in a very unique way, not directly, but by this perception that any struggle I might undergo somehow provided a feeling of satisfaction.

I find it interesting from a mental standpoint just how intricate and subtle the implication was.  Something as simple as exacting satisfaction at something could create a perception about someone else.  I actually think that without realizing it, if someone then felt attacked it would invoke a defensive reaction them.  Suddenly the person finds themselves defending a position they never actually had in the process of fending off what they believe is a personal attack, only later to wonder how they ended up on that side of the argument to begin with.

I have let go of much of my feelings about the situation now.  Mostly because I have come to realize that she is most likely projecting feelings about my father or others.  While I don't think it is right, I don't believe it is malicious.  In the end if some small satisfaction at my expense might serve as a balm for some past hurt I don't want to rob her of it.